How to Build Self-Love and Find Harmony in Your Own Life

What does it actually mean to love yourself?

It is a question that already occupied the ancient philosophers: love as such, not only for others but also for ourselves. You could say that self-love is a kind of springboard for how we love others, what relationships we build and, ultimately, how fulfilling a life we lead. Loving yourself is a demanding goal, because it means accepting ourselves with everything: our whole personality, our good and our less good qualities, which we are able to accept rather than condemn. Self-love is not selfish. Humanity did hold this mistaken belief at certain times, but today we know it was not based on truth.

Why self-love is the foundation of mental well-being

Self-love is closely linked to self-confidence. Self-confidence takes different forms, and we can talk about something like levels of self-confidence. When we picture a person with high self-confidence, it shows in their overall manner, behaviour and inner experience. Such people doubt themselves only in very exceptional, difficult situations, and even those they can handle without significant stress. Problems are a challenge for them and they adapt well to life changes. They trust themselves, their worth, their abilities and their strengths. Their inner experience is strongly positive, or rather, the positive strongly outweighs the negative. Thanks to their abilities and a high degree of assertiveness, they are often able to motivate others and be good leaders.

People with moderate self-confidence make up the largest part of the population. They see themselves realistically, can be independent of other people's opinions, don't need constant praise from others and can appreciate themselves. Here, too, positive thinking prevails over negative. They adapt to change and don't let new challenges stress them out. When self-criticism does appear, it tends to be in situations that most people would find stressful. Assertiveness is an everyday part of how they communicate with others.

We speak of low self-confidence when self-doubt and frequent self-criticism prevail, even in ordinary situations, which then cause excessive stress. Such people avoid new challenges to escape the fear of failure, and they distrust their own abilities and worth. A negative view of themselves and strong self-criticism prevail. They have a strong need for other people's opinions and depend on them. Rather than voicing their own needs, they give way to others. Even small problems in life can leave them feeling helpless.

The level of self-confidence varies across different areas of our lives. Someone may feel confident in relationships but struggle at work, or the other way round.

Practical tips to strengthen self-love every day

*"You have the right to be exactly the person you truly want to be."*

— Michelle Obama

To start, just read a few tips and try to gradually bring them into your everyday life.

• Consciously stop when you see the whole list of tasks waiting for you today and "allow yourself" a few minutes for a coffee with your feet up, a few pages of a favourite book, a few lines in your journal, meditation, a breathing exercise, relaxation, prayer – anything that lets you switch off from the world. Ideally, also put away all the "electronic disruptors" of your peace during this time.
• Pay attention to your needs. Just as a magic question helps children in a difficult moment – "What would help you? What do you need right now?" – calmly and without reproach, ask yourself the same question. Answer it with love and interest and do what will help you at that moment. Maybe play a favourite song, go for a bike ride, sit down at the piano or create something.
• Gratitude is another good way to cultivate self-love. We teach it to small children today, and it works for us adults too. For example, every evening name 5 things you were grateful for that day. You can also add, say, 3 qualities you were proud of today and noticed in yourself, and so on – it's all up to your creativity.
• Love yourself just as you are. Find the qualities you like about yourself. Others don't like them? That's not what matters most! After all, I am the person I spend the most time with, and building a good relationship with yourself can change the way you see things and affects every area of life.

The most common myths about self-love

Bringing up a different era may seem a little odd today, especially when it comes to self-love. But yes, many of us were raised at a time when our parents did not have it easy and the social system forced us to obediently do what had to be done. Today we know better, and we know that blind obedience has its dark side, too. Being able to guard your boundaries, stand up for yourself, say NO when things get too much, or ask for help when you've had enough – these are qualities we need to learn gradually, and hand in hand with them comes a measure of respect for ourselves and our needs, and with it healthy self-love.

How self-love relates to our relationships with others

A person who respects themselves can accept themselves as they are, with both the positive and the negative, and is content with their life. They have no need to compare themselves. Through their authenticity and honesty they can win friends, probably tuned to the same "self-love wavelength".

Self-love and boundaries: learn to say no

Boundaries and self-love are closely connected. When people love themselves and listen to their inner self, they can name precisely what is too much for them and when they have had enough, or say what they need right now. They don't do things that go clearly against their will just to avoid conflict with the other side or to avoid losing a friend. First and foremost, they need to be in harmony themselves so that they can spread this calm further. This skill can be learned, too – by consciously and gradually observing yourself, your thoughts and your feelings. Mindfulness techniques are a great choice if you want to start slowly and step by step.

Why self-love is not selfishness

If you have read the article carefully, you may have found the answer several times already. Let's sum it up with a metaphor: we first need to fill our own vessel of love so that we can sincerely share it with the people around us. So let's boldly set out on this journey full of self-discovery, knowing that we alone are responsible for our happiness and no one else can do it for us! ❤️